family feud

I guess were not as close as I thought we were. out of  7 I only talk to 1. I guess were not as close as I thought we were. this family feud we entered into is stupid. I guess this is the faith for this family. outsiders may look and think we are very disfunctional. But the dysfunction of not speaking seem to help us function better then being around each other fighting like animals. I do love you from afar, but in close proximity, I seem to want to hurt you the most. I use words that cut deep because I am your blood, and I feel what will send you in frenzy. I do it to expose what should not be, I wonder  why you do it? we are not normal. I can not talk to you like a normal person, because you will not hear with normal ears. dysfunction jams your ears, so you only respond to screaming. the aftermath only exposes the fact that nothing has changed a bit. you are who you are. I shall never seek to change that again. the truth is we are family, my flesh and blood, but you have now become ashes in the wind. that means the body of this family died a long time ago and was cremated. the ashes were scatted about, and the soul never returned.. I knew we weren't as close as I thought we were, but I was hopeful I could change that. such a naive boy. who am I to try to keep a family together? I am no saint. I am no savior. but I am a brother that cares. but I'm not infantile. this family is like a boat with no anchor, drifting with no direction. maybe I could blame it on the captain, I can't because the captain jumped ship along time ago. no wonder this boat has no direction. well ready the sails crew, and man the cannons. we can do this without our lame duck captain. the crew jumped ship as well. damn. I guess we don't have to be as close as I thought we were. and remember I do love you from afar. the truth is we are family, my flesh and blood, but you have now become ashes in the wind. because of this family feud, there will be no family reunions. so I guess I'll see you all at a funeral. WHAT A DAMN SHAME.    this is a terrible motivation.