poppa's feet

Poppa's pain is evident, It shows in his feet. poppa carried us as far as he could. He carried us. Me on his back, and momma in his arms. For thousands of miles he walked and walked. We never really had a home because momma was sick and poppa had to find work where he could. odd jobs he would find just to soothe momma's pain, as she was dying from the cancer within. when poppa would work, he would scrap up the money that he could just to shelter us in a low rent hotel. momma cried and cried because she could not help poppa with the struggle, she would often cry herself to sleep. I weep for momma. Momma couldn't even find peace in her sleep. she tossed and turned as the cancer ripped her insides apart. momma's pain was evident, It showed in her sleep. before poppa would leave he stood over momma's bed, cried, then kissed mama's feet. He left a pint of brandy for mama when the pain was to much, as she often spit up blood from her sleep. I was strong for poppa, I didn't cry and I watched over momma like a man. I knew I made poppa proud. Poppa's pain was evident, It showed in his feet. He walked with the hurt in his face. The limps in his steps. But poppa carried us as far as he could. Me on his back and momma in his arms, where she died from the cancer within. He carried me on his back as he cried as soft as he could. I held poppa as tight as I could. Poppas feet gave out, and he could no longer carry me and momma anymore. Poppa did as much as he could. In the middle of the street poppa wept, because momma died in his arms. Now he was dying of a broken heart. He laid momma on the cardboard box that was to be our bed, and kissed her lifeless feet. poppa laid next to momma and I laid next to momma. The city lights watched us sleep that night. Momma finally found peace from the cancer within and poppa died in his sleep of a broken heart. My pain Is evident, It shows in my eye's. I carry momma and poppa with me as I go. I walk like poppa as I carry them both, Deep within my homeless soul.

A life devoid of love

A life devoid of love is no life at all. pillows soaked in tears from the thought of a emotion that I'm not to receive. Devoid of love so I don't believe. Never shown what I diligently searched for. years of empty existence. stuck with a heart that cries for more and receives much less. left to question my worth. shown that I am worthless. A heart devoid of love but has refused to blacken. pure it remains in it's most rawest state. A heart devoid of love still in its infant state. A life devoid of love, so in purgatory I await. Awaiting the harbinger of the emotion I long for. A head humbly bowed. Hands placed together and raised to the heavens. knees acquainted with the soil, I prey. Please find me love, You are my reason to live. Life without you is no life at all. please find me. I am searching for you but I am tired. I will rest here, shining my light to guide you. waiting to drink of your heavenly nectar. I wish to saturate my body with your essence. Such A thirst I have built that you can only quench. I wait in this purgatory. Shining my light. hoping you find me in time. My life devoid of love has not been a life at all. Please enter my life so it can be just that, A life of love. I want to live.  Thanks for the motivation.  

the red dot saga, part one

I lay motionless in a room with no light. I lay motionless but my mind is racing. I lay motionless in a room with no light. I lay motionless but my eye's are serching. in this room the dark rules and swallows the light whole, and its too dark to know if my eye's are moving. I can feel myself blinking, but there is no difference between eye's open or shut. my eye's continue to serch the dark, they have begun to ajust to the black void. deprived of any kind of light or color, my eye's happily consume the black nothingness of the room. the red dot suddenly appeared, it sent my eye's into a bit of confusion. I noticed the red dot instanly because there was nothing else to compare it to. the red dot ley dead center in a room of full of black, boldly standing out, proud to be different. I kept my eye's fixed on this red dot, as I did not know its origin. I focused on this red dot so intensely that I never thought to question if it even existed. I would later find that it did. the red dot began to move. slow and deliberate, like it had a purpose. it did not move around the room, but rather in a select spot. it moved in a pattern. over and over it traced it's own foot prints. I followed as best I could. I realized the red dot was trying to spell something, but what? I focused even more on the pattern the red dot was making. I struggled but I was able to make out the letters. as the red dot started it's pattern from the beginning, I sounded the letters out. G,O,T,T,C,H,A. huh? what was this red dot trying to tell me? My over analytical nature took hold. I had nothing but questions, but no one to ask. Stuck in my own mind I didn't realize the red dot disappeared. As baffling as it's appearance was, It's dissapearance left me perplexed. I sat up in my bed wondering if my head was screwed on properly.  I searched for my glasses in this dark room. I stumbled upon them on my window seal. I rose to my feet and opened my window curtains, exposing the window shade. I opened the shade and exposed the window I would open. the cold, dry night air alerted me from the sleepy stupor  I was in. I sat on the edge of my bed, overlooking the streets and actions of the creatures of the night. Lost in my own mind again. recapping the prior event. I was startled by the ring of my cell phone. My clumsy fumbling made me drop the phone to the floor below. Luckily the cell phone light was still on which made it's retrieval simple. I searched my phone for the missed call I received. A number that I did not know inhabited my phone. at first I was reluctant to call it back, But my curiosity overruled my previous feeling. As I pressed the call button I kept wondering who this could be. The phone began to ring. the unknown made me nervous. Hello! I struck quickly. I received no answer. But I could tell someone was on the other line. Hello! I repeated, still nothing. My frustration was growing and as I readied myself to hang up, the red dot appeared again. It took it's post on my chest. I frantically searched the area out my window to find where this red dot came from. I found nothing. I could hear laughing coming from my phone. I placed it back to my face and forcefully asked "who is this". "hello woody!" is what I was met with. the voice was so familiar, But I couldn't place it. "why don't you love me?" she said. "dahlia?" I replied. "gotcha" was the last thing I ever heard. That red dot was the last thing I ever saw. damn, GOTCHA.      to be continued

dig deeper eugene woody

Standing in front of the grave where the past was buried/ Armed with a spade and a pickaxe/ I drop to one knee and grab a handful of earth. my fingers begin to grind the cold clump of soil/my eyes fixed on the tombstone directly in front of me. it read "a buried past of sorrow and pain, birthed a future of fearless living"/I swore I would not be back here, unearthing painful memories/but I left something important in this tomb/the lessons I learned from the life I lived are too important to be buried and forgotten/the wisdom accumulated was buried as well, and to leave it would make the past prologue/there will be no regression, because my future depends on progress/the cold air has chilled the the earth, hardening it's surface/I grab the pickaxe and trow it over my shoulder/my mind begins to lock in to the task at hand/I am aware that I will be forced to relive it all, but I need to remember what made me/my grip tightens on the pickaxe and my muscles tense and flex in the cold autumn air/I raise my head to the cloud filled sky, where the moon has a front row seat/I close my eye's and relax my body/ a phrase begins to play in my mind, "dig deep eugene woody, dig deep"/I break from my trance like state and remember that I hold the pickaxe/It has become an extension of me/I rise the pickaxe high in the cold autumn air, the moons light holds on to my goose bumps/I strike the earth with brute force and primal aggression/the pickaxe rips through the soil like a hot knife through butter/dig deep eugene woody, dig deep/I continue to strike the earth as hard as I can, each strike more brute then the last/the moon seems amused in my action/ it seems to draw itself closer to me with each strike I apply to this sacred soil/I pause to wipe  my brow of sweat and switch to the spade/I shot a glance at the moon and smiled at its presence/dig deep Eugene woody, dig deep/the spade lifts the loosened earth out of the disturb plot/my excavation of memories buried reaches a fever pitch/digging with passion, digging with a purpose, dig deep Eugene woody, dig deep/the sweat pours from my brow now and I am drenched in it/I refuse to relax my grip on the spade and a direct result of this is my hands becoming raw/this is taxing, but dig deeper/the spade rips through earth until it bangs against a metal casket, the resting place of pain/I toss the spade to the side and I lift the upper potion of the casket/the memories rush into my body as if they missed tormenting me/they try to dig deep into my soul but are met with a new resistance/pain can barely penetrate my surface/I rise my head to the moon that watched me all night, dig deep in the cold autumn air/I remember the lessons burned into my skin from the fire of past infernos/I can never forget the lessons I learned/but most importantly I can never forget to dig deeper Eugene woody, dig deeper.       thanks for the motivation.

family feud

I guess were not as close as I thought we were. out of  7 I only talk to 1. I guess were not as close as I thought we were. this family feud we entered into is stupid. I guess this is the faith for this family. outsiders may look and think we are very disfunctional. But the dysfunction of not speaking seem to help us function better then being around each other fighting like animals. I do love you from afar, but in close proximity, I seem to want to hurt you the most. I use words that cut deep because I am your blood, and I feel what will send you in frenzy. I do it to expose what should not be, I wonder  why you do it? we are not normal. I can not talk to you like a normal person, because you will not hear with normal ears. dysfunction jams your ears, so you only respond to screaming. the aftermath only exposes the fact that nothing has changed a bit. you are who you are. I shall never seek to change that again. the truth is we are family, my flesh and blood, but you have now become ashes in the wind. that means the body of this family died a long time ago and was cremated. the ashes were scatted about, and the soul never returned.. I knew we weren't as close as I thought we were, but I was hopeful I could change that. such a naive boy. who am I to try to keep a family together? I am no saint. I am no savior. but I am a brother that cares. but I'm not infantile. this family is like a boat with no anchor, drifting with no direction. maybe I could blame it on the captain, I can't because the captain jumped ship along time ago. no wonder this boat has no direction. well ready the sails crew, and man the cannons. we can do this without our lame duck captain. the crew jumped ship as well. damn. I guess we don't have to be as close as I thought we were. and remember I do love you from afar. the truth is we are family, my flesh and blood, but you have now become ashes in the wind. because of this family feud, there will be no family reunions. so I guess I'll see you all at a funeral. WHAT A DAMN SHAME.    this is a terrible motivation.

on the road to forever

we travel this road together/side by side/your hand in mine/the road is filled with unknown dangers that wait to obstruct our path/I look over to you and I can see the worry on your face/your palm has become clammy and your mood uneasy/I hold your hand tighter and I look over to you/I want you to see the confidence in my eyes/"we are bigger then this road" I say to you, "as long as we walk together we have nothing to worry over"/this road should worry about us/this road should worry about me/if so much as a single tear drops from her eye's then you will know worry/ you will know fear/you will know my wrath/this road will be nothing more then an after thought/as we are traveling to a place called forever/and to get there I will gladly die a thousand times so that she can live once/I will suffer the terror and scorn of this road so we can arrive at eternity/this road was meant to stifle us and drive our destination askew/to have you walk away from me is the goal of this demonic road/But you willingly put you hand in mine which means you want this as well/and that is the only reassurance I need/you trust and believe in my ability to lead/to lead us from frustration and doubt/I shall never falter or fail you/this road is taxing and bares down upon me with more force then I could have imagined/I stand tall as a man should/you look over to me and you can see that my pain is evident/you hold my hand tighter and whisper "well get though this together babe"/I feel no pain/we journey on this road together/side by side/your hand in mine/our destination is a place called forever/and as long as I have you to hold my hand/motivated by love/our destination we shall reach.      thanks for the motivation.

the weather change and the fall from the building

tonight is your night/so own it/this moment/will pass/it wont last/its your last time to sin in the skin that your in/the sun gave us moments of fun as we drifted away in it's rays/our will be done/the FALL has come and the weather will change/but tonight it makes no difference mayn/we survived another summer to see another FALL/we stand atop the buildings/thats a precipice ya'll/we dance and tribal chant, unafraid of the FALL/now check the parallel  unafraid of the FALL/the weather will change, we could not care at all/because we are so prepare, we don't FALL in the FALL/and off this building ledge we could FALL/but we don't adhere to what gravity has prescribed to ya'll/so tonight we FALL, but it feels like we are flying/ we bend time, matter and space by denying/what we know to be true/but if we did FALL and didn't die/then the lie turned out to be the truth/all because of the FALL, the weather change and the FALL from the building........THINK ABOUT IT.  thanks for the motivation.  

teacher don't care

I sit here in retrospect/pulling the weights off myself/i realized most my teacher only taught me how to hate myself/it was hard just being a teen but to hear my teachers say "just play basketball, your life will be better that way"/I was always into the arts, as a kid I would write short story's/ I showed them to my teachers, they ignored me/nobody ever nurtured the talent that I displayed with my pen/one time I found one of my stories ripped up in a trash bin/I asked her why she ripped it up, and she simply replied, "you didn't cross your T's and dot your I's/she didn't even read the story, didn't care to I guess/if she read it she would have realized I had a lot to get off my chest/I was crying out for help but help never came/when even your teachers don't care it's a shame/but i'm not placing blame/some people just teach for a check/so from them I never expected more, never expected less/I pissed a lot of teachers off by how I would conduct myself/I acted up in class, told my teachers to go fuck them selves/I goofed off in class/ but I passed every test/ and I didn't even study much/ a blessing i guess/I was a smart kid but no one understood my plight/I was just an occupant of the dark trying to inhabit the light/so I continued to fight, and write and write and write/I wrote in the dark until my professor found me and turned on the light/He made me take advanced English and a plethora of other classes/he said "your a great writer, now get the fire under your ass kid" "I been teaching for quite a while, but until this day, I never come across a student that could write this way"/I though he was jiving me, bull sh*ting I guess/but he did something that made me second guess/one day I came to class and there was the school newspaper on my desk/he said turn to the art section, and what i saw made my heart jump out my chest/he published one of my poems I had wrote in class/I looked at him and we both just laughed/ he said I have no excuse now and on this I couldn't fight/now u have a choice cause every one knows that you can write/it only took one person to inspire me to believe in my ability/thats why i'm gonna die a poet/my pen a I are such an item b/Teacher's everywhere should realize that in children's lives they hold the biggest impact/you shape and mode there littles lives/so teach them like their future depended on it because it does/supply more then a,b,c's, chocolate milk and hugs/sometime we need you more the our parents and another school year approaches/there will be one kid that really needs your help so please FOCUS.     thanks for the motivation

survive/alive

SURVIVE. i feel the need to constantly remind myself that i must survive this. Life has saw fit to supply the path of living with many road blocks, and i simply must push through them. SURVIVE. i feel the need to constantly remind myself to remove anyone or anything that I deem a detriment to the betterment of my future, because i must survive this I will remove them by force. SURVIVE. I am constantly reminded of the fact that I will sacrifice everything I have, every i am to survive this. I offer my blood, sweat and tears as a tribute to the gods. SURVIVE. Behind every corner is some sinister power lurking in the shadow's, laying in wait for me. I can never rest because of this. I am always at the ready to deal with whatever shall come my way. SURVIVE. this word beats in my head like thumping 808's, pounding my brains grey matter with it's solid montra. It has become a tribal chant. as i dance around this raging bon fire, I hold the words tight as I yell them as loud as I can at the full moon in the distance, I want the universe to know I will be here in the end. SURVIVE. I have seen many battles in my life time. My scares are evident but I refuse to hide them. to me they are permanent trophies etched into the skin of this proud warrior. They are also a warning to the fiends that entertain the thought of a battle, that you shall be met with war and mercy will not be given. SURVIVE. heed my call. I send this message out to all that carry ill will. I will fight until blood drips from my finger tips for the day that I am more then a surviver. I fight for the day I become, ALIVE.      thanks for the motivation.