this time last year

this time last year, I bought a ring to place on your finger. As I would bow on one knee to tell you that I love you. I was going to engage you in my love, capture your spirit, mind, body, heart soul in one. I never got to do that because I did something dumb. Because of that I lost something near and dear to my heart. I lost control of my life because of issues I couldn't handle. the pressure of my family and an old relationship that  I didnt care about, pushed me to the brink of utter destruction. Because of that I destroyed what was heaven sent for me. This time last year I hated women. ALL women. Any women next to me was going to feel my wrath. Every relationship I ever had was so bad. It created a beast that I couldn't control. picture a man lifeless, walking around with no soul, no hold, no control at all. Objectified all women because of what some did.This time last year, I hurt a really good woman, because I let these good for nothing "bitches" get the best of me. They ripped me apart and left me for dead, lifeless in the street. A man I didn't recognize took it out on you. This time last year I fell so hard and couldn't get back up. I was hurt so bad and couldn't recover from it. I saw their faces when I looked at you. I saw their lies, cheating ways, when I looked in your eyes. My pain controlled me, took hold of me, reached deep inside of me and wouldn't let go. I tried to be a good man but I wasn't the same. I take full responsibility though, those hoes are not to blame. I fought to be Eugene woody again. I fought to be the man I am. I freed myself of the pain that gripped me. I freed myself from the hell I endured. And I'm never going back to what I was last year. No woman will ever have that power over me. Never again. No matter what they do. Just now I was tested, and played for a fool. I should be broken like last year, nope not this dude. This time last year prepared me for this time again. And this time i'll get it right. This time I'm focused On a life that is heaven sent from the lord above. This time this year I didn't break. Hell I didn't even flinch. Yeah they tried to inflict pain but I didn't feel a pinch. This time this year, I'm the man you should of had. The man holding that ring trying to be your children's dad. Your husband, best friend, companion, greatest man you ever had. I'm happy that your happy, thats why I don't feel bad. A new year approaches, and my future has never look this bright. I wonder what i'll write about this time next year? I look forward to it. 

bridges burned

Look at the bridges you burned. And i'm not talking about todd with a venereal. we watch you from our aerial, Standing at the bridges base.pouring gasoline everywhere with a sinister look on your face.You struck the match, then flung it, and arson was the case. As I stood on the other side, amazed at your misdeeds. Everyone rallied around me and witnessed you evil steez. They all tried to warn me, they said this is not hard to believe. They consoled me, said "you tried, now it's time to leave". As we walked away from the burning bridge, My friends phone rang. they answered it, and we just laughed at the person on the other end like "OH PLEASE!" Apparently the arsonist was looking for another sucker to mislead. What are you thinking? like you could fool one of us, and the others wouldn't see the Forrest from the trees? This you can believe, WE all ride together, no matter the inclement weather. You can't cross that bridge anymore, That life line has been severed. You see, doing people wrong has a domino affect. Thats just common sense though, theres a cause and affect. So stand upon that bridge you burned and wipe the ashes from your face. Now realize what you have is what your stuck with, Because WE are not looking back. So keep burning bridges, and i'm not talking about Todd with a venereal. While we reminisce and laugh about this arsonist, from our aerial.  higher then.

scraches on my back

the moment is getting deeper, deeper, deeper. I feel you closer then my skin, now that I have you here. I got you pinned underneath me, i'm on top, top. I'm pearing in your eye's, your hearts beating like its about to pop. you want to talk, but for some reason I won't let you. I bite your bottom lip and whisper softly "shut up". I'm dominating the situation, situation, situation. I've been patently waiting to hear you scream my name. Your legs are wrapped around my waist to the small of my back. The deeper I go the more you react. Our bodies catch the same rhythm, if I speed up then so do you. The more you moan the tighter that i'm holding you. And you hold me tighter too, you start to shutter in fact. Your virtue gets tighter, I can feel you climax. But just before you do your nails dig in. and after that, you reach your moment of bliss, and leave scraches on my back. Deep and painful wounds from this event. Afterwards i'm immense pain because your joy was intense. I wouldnt have it any other way, without them I'm through because I find my pleasure in pleasing you. I watch you sleep in that bed with a smile on your face. My arrogance is running over, all i do is smerk. I hop in the shower and reflect upon things. I turn around, the water hit's my back, I grimace in pain............OUCH.

finally be (this is it)

His dreams are his reality because he makes them so. in the beginning  he was alone with just his dream in tow. headphones draped his ears as the rhythms motivated thought. He would feed his mind and soul with all the book he did sport. from Sun Tzu to Machiavelli, then Robert green added. He read until his brain felt bruised and battered. The information he received helped him cultivate a vision, He would work day and night to bring it to fruition. All the doubt was removed and the fear since subsided, everything that he was crippled by, with his pen he would write it. Then expose it to the world so he was forced to change. Any obstacle in his way, he would destroy or maim. He would seek those in the world with a similar vision. He was moved by the way they used there pen, so he asked them to join his rhythm. It started with just two, with our words we enlightened, people complemented the style in the way we would write them. Now the third pen is here to put us over the top. this is all part of my vision that can not be stopped. I won't sit and cheer because there is much to be done. The hard work will rear it's head in the months to come. But i'm elated because this vision was much belated. Hard work and success they are so equated. This is real because it's the happiest I ever been. Yeah I love, but I'm the soul mate of my pen. When I'm on stage I get the greatest feeling there has ever been. This book wrote it self, I just used the pen. the play i'm writing got me all excited. Greatness is one the way, so I won't even fight it. I been kicked all my life, now I fly so high that the legs of negativity can't reach the sky. this is it, God gave me a reason to live for me. My dream of dying a poet will finally be. 

delila, my delila

delila, my delila! my downfall you are not. just look at this situation. I'm on the verge of fulfilling my destiny of greatness, and your on the verge of destruction. truth be told I knew all alone, but I felt sorry for you, so I tried to help the helpless. Delila, my delila. This samson will not fall. I stand as tall as the day you met me. I continue to do so. I have much to be thankful for. so assassinate your character i will not. Maybe your unhappy with the person that you are. Maybe your just bitter and you took it out on me. Maybe you've been used by men and wanted to do the same. But maybe I don't care to know anymore because i'm not the one to blame. understand life is great, when you accept you have to change. you have a long way to go in life, and from where I stand I don't think you will make it. But I hope that you do. I prey that you will. I hate no one because I love myself. thats why I won't fall. My dreams I fought tooth and nail for, and now they are finally here. I don't feel bad because I did everything in my power to help you. to make you happy. To love you. But delila, my delila you have issues that cant be helped by anyone but yourself. I learned from this and I grow. Bigger and better I am, trust me, This didn't break me. I AM NOT SAMSON. I hope you learn something, other than what you used against me. like realize when people really care about you and want to see you win. not those that just want you for the pleasures of your skin. delila, my delila. god put us together for a reason, then he ripped us apart because you changed like the seasons. trust me i'm not bitter because you know i'm living my dream. what you live is a nightmare or so it would seem. I won't let anyone be my downfall. this samson and delila story does not apply at all. thank you for everything, I mean this from the bottom of my heart. by taking everything you have given me so much.

the ironic sign

It's ironic that our embrace was broken by my inner most desire being revealed. My inner most desire was to be with you. I wanted nothing more then that. An embrace I though would last was broken by what should have solidified. It was written on a bill board, How ironic is that? How was I to know this sign was talking to me? My future was posted on a bill board for the world to see. I saw it and didn't realize it pertained to me. If there ever was such a sign....literally.  It speaks directly to me. It tried to tell me what was coming. I couldn't understand it, maybe I didn't want to. My inner most desire broke our embrace. This bill board told me before I told you. God is funny style. Look how he spoke to me. Look how he showed me. How could I understand this at the time? We pray all the time and ask God for A sign. It's right in plain sight, just look closer. He's talking to you directly. When I finally realized this it was done. Now all I can do is laugh. But I laugh because I also see the other Ironic sign. EXPOSE YOUR INNER VISION. If there was ever any doubt in my mind, It has be removed. I am doing just that. I am following his plan. I AM GONNA DIE A POET. It was written in this ironic sign.

lose/gain

Why does this lost feel like a gain? Why does it feel like I amassed more in the end the from from which I came? If the origin represented the negative, and the ending just the opposite, then the ending holds the attribute's  of monetary profits. I'm no profit, But with foresight Guess I sensed impending doom. So with that I just prepared for the inevitable gloom. Is it because I been here before? Is it because I except the things I can not change? Or is it because I understand I'm in a privileged position to win? I see a finish line and I just shed extra weight so now I'm sprinting. What did I really lose? What did I really gain? I guess only time can answer that. I know what was lost, or rather what lost me. I smile because I'm gaining on my dream. I can see it with such clarity even though it's still in the distance. But I see it more then ever before. So I can smile for that reason alone. I can focus on that instead of what I lost, or rather what lost me. 

the inglorious oratory of eugene woody

I stood in front of a mirror, rehearsing this script  line for line. This would be my most important oratory to date. I stayed up all night just to get the words just right. I would finally articulate how I feel. I've never been more nervous then this moment. The words I chose were carefully selected. The flow of the words were given careful cohesion. I did everything I could to give these most important words a specific meaning, so you could understand my feeling. I prayed she would understand. When the phone rang, My heart jumped. I knew it was her. I told myself to be strong and don't relent. If I did, then I would never be whole, I would never be happy. I picked up the phone and my heart begain to race instaintly. I was so nervous that my entire body begain to shiver uncontrollably. I was scared. I knew deep in my heart she would leave me. I knew deep in my heart this would be the end. I knew I was facing a battle i could not win. She spoke so calm and controlled, Just hearing her say good morning made me feel like I could trow up. I was scared. I shook free of my terrorized state and replied. "Good morning babe". This was it, there was no turning back now. I started into what would be the most important oratory to date. This would be the day I stood up to my fears. I would finally reveal the injustice in this relationship. She said "well start talking" and I took a deep breath and exhailed. I begain with a question and followed with everything I wanted to say, But never had the guts to say. I continued to speak my mind, knowing she was becoming upset. I spoke up for the first time in this relationship. I asked for more then what I was getting. I needed more from her. I asked that she treat this relationship like it ment something to her. I asked that I be treated with the same affection and attention that I showed her. I didnt demand a lot from her, I just wanted a fraction of her time rather then the negative side of the number line I was receiving. Her tone begain to agitate. Her words begain to harshen. This is what I feared. She would try to turn the tables on me. She would show her resentment towards me for asking for more. I needed more. I stayed calm as her mood begain to sour. I knew what was coming so I braced myself for the worst. She broke up with me. She would leave me because I wanted to spend more time with the woman I loved. She broke up with me because I asked her for just a little more then what I was receiving. This was supposed to be my most important oratory to date. This was supposed to bring us together. After everything I did in this realtionship, She left me for this? After the person I was to you,you left me like this? I don't understand, But I guess I never will. I know this, I will never except less from anyone in my life, no matter how much I love them. If asking for their best makes them want to leave, then I was never anything to them. If I can never be loved like I feel I should, then I will love myself more. This was to be my most important oratoty to date, and it was. There was no glory in the words I spoke. I was left alone because of the words I chose to say. My words lead to our demise. the inglourious oratory of Eugene Woody lead to our end.

God, Children and Fools.

I was told god takes care of children and fools. It's kind of ironic because I was fooled by a child. I hoped for the best, And the worst was found. Every one saw the truth but I. I was a fool. I won't lie. But heres the thing about me, I'm aware of everything that transpires. But I hope people will change, So I show them my heart with the hope that will be the reason they will. I'm not ashamed of this fact.I wont hide from this ordeal. I confront it because you made it easy to do so. I'm fine with things now because I was a fool, I say fool in past tense because God took care of his son in need. I'm sure you will be fine, Remember he takes care of children, and their is nothing grown about you, So you will be kept in his favor, Just not in mine. What a story! God put a fool and a child together in hopes that they would find their way. The child found the weakness of the fool and exploited it. The child could not grow up to see things for what they were, so now you are a foolish child. He will always watch over you now because you are both. I have been trough worse then this. I have been fooled only once, So I can grown from this, Learn and move on. You don't understand the lesson in anything because you are just a hard headed child, I pity your ignorance. I hope you learn. I know you will learn the hard way. I pray that he continues to watch over you, you foolish child. Realize a blessing when he gives it to you. I was blessed with strength, thats why I took the punishment, knowing all well he had a plain for me. I've been blessed because this fool found his way again. I prey you wake up you foolish child.  thanks for the motivation. 

wings of light

I'm void of a feeling called despair. She has given me reason's to walk on air. I inhabit the clouds and the stars with might. I fly with my wings made of light at night. It would seem that these bright angel wings are a dream, When she kisses me good night I ascend with out a care of things. When she roll's over to hold me tight, The wings she has given made of light stretch miles across the skyline, behold such a site. she whispers in my ear "I missed you my dear" and I patrol the sky without any fear. Her heart beat becomes one with mine, and I sit upon the stars and watch the world just to pass the time. Her legs become entangled with mine, So I write her name in the sky with the light of these wings divine. With every caress of my chest across the sky I step, For these wings she has given I am so in debt. My wing's flap a melody, the rhythm is set. I grab the hand of the moon and engage in a two-step. You may see me in the sky flying as high as I can. Thats only because I'm sleeping next to Gods greatest creation. If I do not feel her touch, the wings of light disappear, darkness holds court, Now i'm falling to the ground in fear. I search frantically for her physical to connect to my mental. The Wings reappear because I emotionally sense you. Before I hit the ground, your gift sends me sky bound, as I return to the air where my freedom is found. She's the reason this vision inhabits my dreams, Shes the angel and when I sleep I borrow her wings. My nightmares disappear because I know you are near. I awake and you are gone............God needed his angel. I'll see you when I dream.      photograph by ~Will Knox~  Thanks for the motivation Will (great picture man)

what's important?

what's important to you? Baby I just gotta know, because what's important to me is you. Again, what's important to you? Is it me or is it him? because I'm the better future then the current state your in. I state the facts and state my feeling and I state them from within. I make this statement, stay with him and you would be committing sin. I was heaven sent to mend your broken heart, I'll be your friend. I should be important to you, I'll repeat this once again. What's Important to you? Baby I just gotta know because what's important to me is you. Again, What's important to you? Is it me or is it money? are you checking for my love? or a monetary dummy? I can take care of you, But this has to be for real. Love is sacred so don't treat it like a corporate business deal. A real woman get it herself and let's me add to her joy. A man can buy you the world, but only love can fill that void. so what's important to you? baby I just gotta know, because what's important to me is you. again what's important to you?  is it WE or is it YOU? are we in this life together? or are you in this life for you? I will be the support system in whatever you want to do. You can be a little selfish, just think about me too. If  you  buy yourself some diamonds, pick me up a pair of socks. The hanes cotton one's,  baby it's the though that really rocks. I want to be important to you, you should make me a priority. I'm more then a minority, baby i'm the majority. The prince in the fairy tale, the leading man in the story. I should be important to you, make me so, baby girl do not ignore me.

punishment/penance

this is my punishment,this is my penance. My sins were to great to overcome in one life time. I keep coming back because I haven't suffered enough. My god is a cruel god, he must hate me so. He gave me such emotions. The strongest being the ability to love, and he breaks my heart over and over and over again. It's in his plain that I suffer like this. His will be done that I slowly decay from a broken heart. You must hate me so. I love so hard and fall even harder. when have you given me the emotion I long for? Never. Not even from the mother that birthed me.You hate me so, but I submit to your punishment, this is my penance. Because my sins are too great to overcome in one life time. I have no choice but to suffer your will. I see what you want from me, I understand the lesson . I am to be alone because I am not lovable. I am not acceptable. I am broken, But your will be done. My own personal hell on earth. I'm alive but I'm not living. I give, never to receive. to love, never to be loved. You must hate me so. you give me what I ache for, then laughing at me from the heavens you snatch it away so abruptly. my god is a cruel god, But I submit to your punishment. This is my penance. My sin's are too great to overcome in one life time, so I'll die lonely and of a broken heart. I'll be reborn just to suffer more. I won't change a thing. This is who you made me, this is who I am. The more I suffer your will, the more I love. I'll be ready when you recede this punishment. when I receive heavens love, I'll be with her.

WTF is this?

It's been an extremely long time since I heard the words "I love you" "Baby I'm thinking of you" and "I place no one above you/I can't remember the last time those words were said/I wanna hear them so bad that it's messing with my head/I'm doing everything right, but this situation feels wrong/I'm asking myself "why are those words taking so long"?/I'm everything you could want in a man and more/so WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR?/I won't wait forever just to hear you speak/this is depressing/time is running out/our future look's bleak/if this is not  about love, then what am i here for?/this is taxing/i'm soo tired/this is becoming a real choir/If you don't love me by now, Then i'm asking that you leave me/Because I need more then what i've been getting, believe me/my mind tells me to leave, But the heart tells me to stay/I'm a confused individual because you made me this way/You have a power over me, I guess you like it this way/By waiting to hear those words, I have become your slave/I want to hear you say "I love you" so I try a little harder/I believe you will say it, but i suffer/Now I realize i'm a martyr/It's like I'm coming off the bench, when I should be a starter/when I should be your star/My dear, Love will take you far/ What is it that your scared of?/I don't even know what we are/I feel like my time is being wasted, And now time is running out/I got questions that need answers, like "what is this all about"?/I don't know how you feel, because you will never tell me/I feel like you don't love me so why won't you just exhale me?/let me go, turn me loose, use the mast and just set sail me/I 'll keep searching for love because true love will never fail me.

the glorious oratory of eugene woody

My glorious oratory is more like a horror story/I implore you to listen with your heart, not ear's/My glorious oratory will move you to tears/I have removed the fears that confined me for years/I stand upon the stage engaged with the crowd/making love to your ears with a sinister smile/every verb, every noun becomes so profound when I say what I write my oratory astounds/it would behoove you to listen, because it is my mission to verbally paint my colorful vision/been on a road to perdition but my oratory saved me from the horror story/now my story is a glorious one/from the dark I have risen like the glorious sun/now I sing it from the rafters like i'm Gloria's son/I preyed to god for this day, now the glory is done/it's just me upon the stage, me and the crowd are one/I close my eye's, grab the mic and speak to god and i'm i'm cured, of the evils in my life that I have violently endured/My oratory's glorious and thats what i'm into/But my oratory is only glorious because of what I been through.    

michelle (Mrs. obama)

Mrs. Obama I just want you to know/I hold you in the highest regards/I respect you to the fullest Mrs. O/I never seen a black woman move the way you do/Beauty, intellect and grace, your just so exceptional/Your what I wish every black woman should be/And it's only right I write this to let you know what you've done for me/The Obama's won the election, and they changed the complexion, of what a black family should be/When I gaze   upon my t.v and I see thee/My heart just melts/You handle your position with such grace, never to objectify yourself/I could never see you knee deep in rappers, shaking you back to misogynistic lyrics and bass heavy tracks for stacks...naw never that/Because of you I have a reason to want more for my life/I scream this to the heavens/ I NEED A MICHELLE IN MY LIFE/I'm not accepting less from the woman that I will call my my wife/The mother of my children, the bringer of life/the first lady in my struggle, the energy in my muscle/the reason that I now believe/Mrs. O, you should know women like you are just a dream/I'm always the star player balling on a losing team/And I'm passing the ball to them, but they are selfish and they won't pass it back/And they are shooting up a storm, but they ain't hitting jack/And I try to talk to them, But they ain't talking back/Please tell me how you guys do it, Because my relationships are wack/And I know it's not easy with two beautiful kids and a presidency/But it look's so fluid/I'm the leader of your fan club, the black love movement/I could never neglect or disrespect a woman that represents her family and her race every place she steps/So I am taking even bigger steps to get my act together, so maybe one day I too will have the pleasure of meeting my Michelle/off in the sunset we will sail/I'll place a ring around her finger and pull back her vial, and kiss the lips of a dream/Today it seems the Obama's have changed the vision of the American dream.  O your a lucky man.    Thanks for the motivation.

they not gonna like you

They not gonna like you/I know, but see if I care/I'm trying to win the award for asshole of the year/See Nice don't cut it in this world filled with hate/See Nice finished last in the race for first place/If you ever crossed me, Then my wrath you shall feel/because now i got a heart that's black encased in steel/it's a liberating thing to live with no fear/so I could give the f*ck if you don't like it my dear/They not gonna like you, I know/But thats none of my concern/I deserve these feeling/ this contempt I earned/These feeling aren't innate, these feelings are learned/I'm just your offspring, so how could I be spurned?/You made me this way, so don't complain now/Now I turned on you, I'm Your bastard child/I'm just strong enough now to say these things out loud/I'm not the same person, and of that i'm proud/They not gonna like you/Why?/ because they can't take advantage?/Because I rebuilt a heart that was mangled and damaged?/My will, My resolve, and my faith, they were challenged/Been tested all my life to the point that I'm famished/But now it's feast or famine and the world is my salmon/and i'm still hungry, in you kitchen i'm standing/My respect i'm demanding/so you can keep your like/i'm not worried about the people that don't like my new life.

I ain't thinking bout you

I did not write this about anyone, I repeat I did not write this about anyone. this was written as a song to a popular beat while a popular rapper was in the booth doing what he does (no names). I'm a poet, not a rapper. If I was a rapper I would be your favorite.    enjoy!

I ain't thinking about you/ look, wanna know why?/true be told you almost brought a tear to my eye/brought me to my knee's, asking the lord why?/What is it that I did?/why did this have to die?/Answering my own questions, like I ain't do sh*t/I handled my business, I didn't deserve this/I ain't thinking about you/cause you don't deserve it/your ass should be happy that I even wrote this/But let me calm down, I don't wanna sound pissed/But let me state facts, you will not be missed/I ain't thinking about you/But you should think about this, I held your ass down and the economy ain't sh*t/And i'da hit the streets chopping dimes off a brick, just to make sure my baby girl had it/stayed faithful to you, I wasn't thinking about them chicks/I could of did you dirty, they were all on my dick/I displayed patients, while you displayed fit's/your just a little brat, I'm on some grown man sh*t/you small time pussy, I got a grown man dick/so f*ck this situation, I'm shooting out of it/you Cleveland out this hoe, I'm lebron james chick/I'm leaving this small town and coming to the knicks/ FREE AGENT!!!


Why are you thinking bout me? made a mistake I guess?/just think about your self, Because thats what you do best/you were a tuff question, I studied for the test/and even though I failed, the lesson I kept/I stumbled out the blocks, but I gathered my steps/ I'm gonna win the race in this life I bet/I'm thinking about me now, quiet as kept/A selfish individual, thats what you get/Don't call me, because I won't pick up/If you got hit by a car, I wouldn't give a f*ck/you wasted my time, thats just my luck/but my clocks still ticking and I won't give up/Don't call me, just stay in you place/I'm a handsome man, have you looked at my face?/that's part of the reason why you were easily replaced/I got another though bread, thick ass, small waist/I pat myself on the back to complement my taste.........IT"S OVER.  now go and think about that. thanks for the motivation, it's done, thats a wrap. HE'S FOCUSED!!!