punishment/penance

this is my punishment,this is my penance. My sins were to great to overcome in one life time. I keep coming back because I haven't suffered enough. My god is a cruel god, he must hate me so. He gave me such emotions. The strongest being the ability to love, and he breaks my heart over and over and over again. It's in his plain that I suffer like this. His will be done that I slowly decay from a broken heart. You must hate me so. I love so hard and fall even harder. when have you given me the emotion I long for? Never. Not even from the mother that birthed me.You hate me so, but I submit to your punishment, this is my penance. Because my sins are too great to overcome in one life time. I have no choice but to suffer your will. I see what you want from me, I understand the lesson . I am to be alone because I am not lovable. I am not acceptable. I am broken, But your will be done. My own personal hell on earth. I'm alive but I'm not living. I give, never to receive. to love, never to be loved. You must hate me so. you give me what I ache for, then laughing at me from the heavens you snatch it away so abruptly. my god is a cruel god, But I submit to your punishment. This is my penance. My sin's are too great to overcome in one life time, so I'll die lonely and of a broken heart. I'll be reborn just to suffer more. I won't change a thing. This is who you made me, this is who I am. The more I suffer your will, the more I love. I'll be ready when you recede this punishment. when I receive heavens love, I'll be with her.